Stillness

My sleeping has been awful, which makes for really bad days for me. I’ve been experiencing intrusive thoughts to the point that panic overwhelms me and I can’t sleep much. When I don’t get enough sleep, I start feeling on edge and every little thing gets to me; it’s physically exhausting!

I have a thousand and one thoughts going on at once, each more imposing than the next one. Usually, when I’m struggling this much, organizing and purging helps me and I’ve already organized my entire house. I’m also in the middle of purging my closet and the kitchen cabinets. This time, though, that’s created more anxiety than it’s helped. So I’m stalled with things everywhere and no desire to put them back in their place, or to get rid of them.

I can’t concentrate on doing anything because my mind is already on overdrive.

The next best thing I have to take the edge off is photography. I’ve taught myself photography for the past five, or six, years and it’s a continuous learning process.

I enjoy photographing things and, occasionally, people. The difference between the two is that photographing people imposes a lot more pressure on me because of the vast amount of photographers that are out there. It’s intimidating to think that my work will not measure up to theirs.

Photographing nature, however, relaxes me and although my shots aren’t necessarily extraordinary, I enjoy sharing them here because coming here and scrolling through them helps to remind me that I am capable of finding stillness even when my mind is racing.

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Go where you feel most at peace.

❤ ,

Mari

2 thoughts on “Stillness

  1. Mari, my sister, you are one of my most favorite people, talented and gifted, we all are given gifts by our creator, to help us to blossom in our lives many do not use them. The gifts are given us to help inspire the lives of others. You see the beauty in your gift, trust in the Lord. I have always loved and believed in you my sister. You have a selfless and loving heart, very genuine. Take that step out he is with you. I remember when I was moved by the spirit to share my poetry with the world on a blog, December 2009. Being naturally shy most of my life, I did not want to do it. But one night the spirit spoke to my heart and told me to step out because what I write was needed by many! I shared a poem Father, I need you now and it was published on an internet Magazine, American Divesity Report, and thousands read it. You will never be free until you believe it is part of your Destiny. I believe in you and will always love you and your family. In Christ, I send you my faith and love to set you free from your chains! God bless!

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