There are things about me that will always be true. I will always carry in my heart an emptiness the size of my daddy’s presence, I will always wonder how a healthy relationship with him would have been-and who I’d be today had we had one. I will always feel his void in my life and in my children’s life; that is a truth that I will carry in my heart forever. But it’s a truth that no longer hurts me.
I’ve come to accept that there isn’t anything that I could have done that would have had a different outcome because I’ve finally come to understand that his absence in my life had nothing to do with me. I am strong enough now to know that it wasn’t because of anything that I did and that I cannot allow who he was to inffluence the choices that I make in my own life today.
People say that time changes things. I think that the things we learn from the experiences that we go through, in time, accumulate and change our perception of the world around us, and even of ourselves.
Life is constantly teaching us things about ourselves but often we are too busy blaming others for our suffering to recognize that the actions of those around us are never about us. No one can make us suffer without us giving in to it. What causes us pain are the expectations that we placed on those around us.
It took me long enough but I’ve finally learned that enough is enough! That it doesn’t matter where I come from, what I’ve been through, or even who I come from. All that matters is that I know I deserve to live a good life while I am here; that is another thing that has always been true about me, I just hadn’t realized it till now.
So, when it starts to feel as though I am losing my grip on that, I remind myself to be still, to live in the moment, to let go of what feels wrong, to hold on to what feels right, to just live one day at a time! But most importantly to love those around me as best as I know how and to have the courage to accept the love that I am offered in return.