Yesterday, I Cried.

This morning, I browsed online for a good book to read and I came upon these words by Iyanla Vanzant that couldn’t have depicted more accurately how I felt yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried.

I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.

Yesterday, I cried,
for all the days that I was too busy,
or too tired, or too mad to cry.
I cried for all the days, and all the ways,
and all the times I had dishonored, disrespected,
and disconnected my Self from myself,
only to have it reflected back to me in the ways others
did to me the same things I had already done to myself.
I cried for all the things I had given, only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished, only to give them away,
to people in circumstances, which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.
I cried because there really does come a time when
the only thing left for you to do is cry.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because little boys get left by their daddies;
and little girls get forgotten by their mommies;
and daddies don’t know what to do, so they leave;
and mommies get left, so they get mad.
I cried because I had a little boy,
and because I was a little girl,
and because I was a mommy who didn’t know what to do,
and because I wanted my daddy to be there so badly until I ached.

Yesterday, I cried.
I cried because I hurt. I cried because I was hurt.
I cried because hurt has no place to go
except deeper into the pain that caused it in the first place,
and when it gets there, the hurt wakes you up.
I cried because it was too late.
I cried because it was time.
I cried because my soul knew that I didn’t know
that my soul knew everything that I needed to know.
I cried a soulful cry yesterday, and it felt so good.
It felt so very, very bad.
In the midst of my crying,
I felt my freedom coming,

Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda.

-Iyanla Vanzant

Isn’t it amazing when we stumble upon someone else’s words and it’s as if that person had read our mind? And yes, I must say that yesterday, I cried for all of these reasons and because after publishing yesterday’s post I logged into facebook to find out that Robin Williams lost his battle with depression.

It just isn’t fair, you know? To have so much to give and not be able to find your own stillness, your own peace. Suicide is by far an easy way out, it is a choice that takes a great deal of pain and an even greater amount of courage.

People like Mr. Williams burn fast and bright… May he rest in peace.


6 thoughts on “Yesterday, I Cried.

  1. He will be missed much by many! It is very nice to see you post something again. I have missed your words, though I was away awhile without real meaningful internet access. I pray all is well with your my sister. Hugs and blessings…and thanks for sharing your heart and mind…it is always so meaningful!

  2. Mari,
    I know why I follow you and I love your writing. Because I love your writing and so I follow you! I have not had a lot of time lately to read other blogs, but have strolled through yours this morning catching up! I feel like you are an old friend that welcomes me back without an agenda and though friendships need to be nurtured and loved, there are those kind of friends that set you free. I think that is us! I hope it is! I love finding doors that I have not been through here and your writing is stellar my friend! Each one, seems better than the last! Glad I took the time to stop. I am taking a little get away with my daughter. She is engaged! And we are going to Knotts Berry Farm today (our mother daughter tradition we started years ago) and then tomorrow going wedding dress shopping with her bff and my bff (Her auntie) As always I am up early… and decided to bring my laptop with me to catch up! Starting with you!

    1. I have felt the same way about you from the start, Diane. I’m just ecstatic to know you feel the same because I am awful at keeping up with friends and I’m usually too busy nurturing everyone in general to work on nurturing any one friendship in particular (but I’m working on getting better at it)! 😉 Thank you for taking the time to come here and for being the kind of friend that I am, too!! You are always welcome here!! I’m happy to know that you are taking the time to enjoy this experience with your daughter and those you love!! Enjoy and be happy and present in this moment!!

      Blessings for a fun trip!!! ((:

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